This is the first of the three part series I’m calling “How to Tell.” Many people with girlfriends, fiances and wives have arrived at a stage in their lives where they want to be open and honest about liking trans-girls a lot, to the point it may make you reconsider your current relationship if it won’t allow you to openly incorporate trans-girl experiences into it. Depending on how long you’ve been with your better half, gentlemen, I would certainly give you different advice. This first part will deal with some excellent ideas from a trans-girl’s perspective- one who knows what she’s talking about (as you may have noticed so far). Before we continue, however:
**Disclaimer**: The advice I’m offering here is excellent but still pretty general- you need to add to it or subtract from it until you customize it for your particular life situation. If it backfires, the woman in your life may simply not be ready to deal with your realization and I DO NOT take any responsibility for the results. My advice, but your life gentlemen. Deal? Thanks in advance :)
For the purpose of the series, I have decided to define a girlfriend as someone you’ve been dating a year or less and have not proposed to yet; simple enough. Here, we are talking about the woman who may be the one, but has certainly not had enough time to bond with you to the extent that she experienced the majority of relationship ups and downs with you. Also, she hasn’t been with you long enough yet to make you completely put aside telling her you’re into trans-girls for the sake of… something (not that you ever should choose not to tell when your entire being is yelling out loud that you have to do it).
The first step is to throw the ball immediately in her court by finding a perfect situation to ask her about her sexuality. I would say many relationship experts and perhaps psychologists would agree that all straight women are at least bi-curious, and at most latently lesbian. You need to get her to admit she’s either very bi-curious, had a girl on girl experience or even briefly dated another girl. Once you get her to admit it (use alcohol and maybe even girl on girl porn if needed), tell her that you would never want to trap her away from experiencing that side of her even if the two of you went all the way and tie the knot. Throw in a little speech about how this is the age when it’s more important to be fulfilled and self-realized than anything else when pursuing lasting happiness, and finish off by saying you’d never stand in her way of achieving all that. At this point, your girl should be overcome with emotions. This would be an excellent time to bring up that you have a confession too. She may jump the gun and infer you’re about to tell her you like guys too. If she does, you’ll likely say no (stick to one surprise at a time if you like guys too and focus on trans-girls), nothing like that. Tell her that as a confident, straight, alpha male (even if you’re not all that all the time- or ever), you are very attracted to all women, including those who are born different. If she doesn’t get what you mean right off the bat- explain. Work through any negative talk she may throw your way- eliminate the use of tranny, chicks with dicks or any other ugly terms by saying they’re women and that’s that. Once your girl is calm and ready to listen again, she’ll ask something along the lines of what you suggest. Tell her that just as her attraction to girls, your attraction to trans-girls will never take center stage (whether that’s completely true or not), just as her attraction to girls never will. Suggest that, once both she and you are ready, you’ll set some ground rules about how to fulfill those sides of yourselves without anyone getting hurt and do everything you can to get her to agree. If she cannot immediately, ask her if she needs time to think. If she says she doesn’t need time but still won’t agree right then and there, set it aside to avoid the fight and then make a choice; either kill your attraction to trans-girls, or break up with your girlfriend, or pursue your life happiness discretely.
Simply put, your girl won’t realize how serious you are only if she didn’t take any decent time whatsoever to get to know you as a person. If she isn’t close enough to you to understand that this is happening no matter what, maybe she is not the one for you. If she is really bi-curious or even bi, and if she really loves you and sees long-term potential for your relationship, she’ll agree to set those ground rules so occasionally she can have a girl and you can have a trans-girl, while together you get to live happily ever after.
When something happens in your life and you cannot yield no matter what, you have to dig in your heels and see it through. Usually, this kind of bold determination is associated in popular literature and TV shows with a tragic hero, someone taking a last stand, or someone staring at the face of death while his back is turned to an endless abyss. I would say that is all wrong and mere propaganda against the alpha male (and alpha female). Not yielding, digging in your heels and being dauntless is what you have to do when you want to show how serious you are. If you do it carefully enough though, with lots of class, tact and style, you can avert a tragic outcome and come out the other end confidently triumphant. Give it some thought :)